You Tell Me

I understand that I am about to strike a soar chord with many of you my readers on this subject. I understand that this will be a soar subject because there are a great number of you who buy these products that I am about to address. I also understand that many of you go to great lengths to acquire these products which many times translates into forgoing a fortune to obtain just 1 of these products. I understand that this will be a soar subject because the very products that I am suggesting are huge wastes of money are also products that many people hold near and dear and often present very loudly and proudly in their homes and even their offices as well. The products that I am addressing are autographed merchandise.
First of all, I am not saying that all autographs are wastes. I mean if you are a kid who has the great privilege of meeting a professional athlete, getting an autograph as a souvenir of your experience is a great memento and a great memory that will often last a lifetime. For me, I have great memories of getting autographs. I even remember which sports people were particularly nice to me and which sports people were particularly mean to me. No matter how much I try to ignore my lone encounter with a player as being the deciding factor of their character, it is impossible to forget as a kid. These events have a great impact on kids. As such, I will always be a fan of guys like Turk Wendell, Dan Reeves, Doug Bodger, and even Mark Messier. I will not go too far into that but as I HATE the New York Rangers and as I HATE the New York Yankees, I once got Mark Messier’s autograph on a baseball at a Yankees game. But anyhow, I will always be a fan of all of the sports figures as a result of the kindness in which they showed me as a kid—EXCEPT MESSIER! And on the opposing side, I will never forget how rude hockey player Bobby Holik was to my mother and me—after a week of being in his hockey school—and I will never forget how Mets reliever Mark Guthrie treated me like garbage on 3 occasions during the 2002 season. I will not forget and I may never forgive. But even though all of my memories aren’t great, my encounters, for better and for worse, have no fiscal value as they are priceless.
I am instead addressing the grown men and women who shop online for autographs of signed memorabilia who then received their “signed” memorabilia in the mail regardless of whether or not they ever meet the athlete and regardless of having any guarantee that the autograph and memorabilia that they are receiving is actually authentic. I guess there are certificates of authenticity with many of the pieces of memorabilia, but seriously, if an autograph can be faked, couldn’t a certificate of authenticity then be faked as well? I mean, how could a person ever be absolutely 100 percent with no doubts sure that the artifact that they will later brag to their friends of how they spent a fortune for it is absolutely real unless they saw the person sign it themself. How would anybody tell the difference between the signatures of Jim Carey the goalie and Jim Carrey the actor- 1 r may not be able to be examined in a non aesthetically beautiful autograph scribble? Answer: you could never be absolutely sure.
Not to mention, even if the mail order autograph is real, what is the thrill of having such a memento. The child experience autograph is a memento of actually meeting a famous sports person. An adult receiving an autograph in the mail is just random scribble from someone that they themselves have never even met. Is this just me, or does it sound stupid to pay a fortune to receive a handwritten signature of a person you never even met? But then again, it’s your choice if you want to spend for such an item that I guess I can only be described with one of Carrol O’Connor as Archie Bunker’s best words from yesteryear: “Crapola.” I guess it’s your money after all.
I just feel it’s necessary to address this issue because in the modern day, I see a breathtaking number of people spend such hard earned money on products that to me seem so pointless. I guess that as much as I am advising you my readers to never buy such mail order autographs, I am also asking for someone to perhaps explain to me what the big deal is. Is there that big a desire to even get a smell of someone famous—or not that famous?
For a few months now I have provided you all with my analysis and my advice; now I am asking for some reader analysis, advice, and opinion. Would someone please tell me what the big deal is in buying signed memorabilia of someone you never met which is probably not even authentic? Please tell me!